Lost Baggage Returned

The good news: T&A Guy and I are still seeing each other. Bad news: I am crazy. We had our first bump in the road yesterday. We made it out alive, with only minor heart-scrapes and ego-bruising.

Somehow I had convinced myself that he was no longer interested. There were a lot of reasons for this, most of which were all about ME and my DB baggage. I don't have the energy to go into the details. Besides, the lesson in it for me was not about me and T&A guy as much as it was about how much my last relationship screwed with my head.

On the surface I would say: Of course! All relationships have an impact in some way, but I'm OVER IT! I swear, I am over him. I don't think about him. I don't want to be with him. I don't even have a suspicion about what is going on in his life. I'm not so sure I am over IT. Wouldn't you know that bastard's voice and words were on a constant repeat in my head yesterday: You're too needy; You expect too much; I won't make time for you; You aren't enough; How you feel doesn't matter.

Upon realizing what was happening, I had a mini-meltdown. Not because of the issue at hand, but because I was still letting ex-DB get to me. Why would I still be giving him that much power? Why wasn't I long past this? I'm not sure I've completely figured out the answers to those questions. I think it has a lot to do with building up new experiences to replace the old.

I've got to give T&A guy credit. He was a trooper. He took it and looked at it and said that he wanted to know how I felt about all of it and even said we would work through it. He's going to outgrow his T&A guy tittle to Mr. Patient fairly soon.

I sent the baggage back this morning. I told them I didn't need it anymore.

xxNB

P.S. I need to thank Queen of Spades and our Texan Bride for talking me off the emotional roller coaster and interpreting things in a way a non-crazy person would, over a lunch of mashed potatoes.