Resolutions

On the 24th of December, I turned thirty. Earlier on in the year I was feeling kind of odd about it and giving it the kind of credence it didn't really deserve (as in, worrying about all the stuff I hadn't done yet), but by the time Thursday rolled around I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. Because really, what else are you gonna do?

I had a good day by choice. Because, you see, a certain person who was sounding all super awesome the last time I wrote for you lovely people did something the day before my birthday that just pissed me off. He has this inability to pick up a phone and call me, which I find terribly unattractive, despite so many of his other great qualities. And while I was pretty upset for a short while, I decided not to be anymore. I wasn't going to let someone else's actions get in the way of me having a good birthday and Christmas, damn it. And that was how I decided on my first resolution.

I'm not necessarily big on New Year's Resolutions, but I do like to take stock every year on my birthday (which admittedly is only a week before the new year) and think about how I can do something different in the coming year. And so the very first one was that in my thirty-first year, I will not succumb to the urge to take to my bed when some evil male wrongs me. The second was that when someone is unable to meet a basic need/request/whatever of mine (you know, like "Hey, can I NOT always be the one to initiate everything?), I'm done. Of course this depends on what my expectation is and what the relationship is, but in this case, I'm all set. I will not waste my time.

I have other stuff to do this week. Like a date with a guy who produces shows for the National Geographic channel. Doesn't that sound so much more interesting?

Holidays...

Just a minute to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Festivus (a little late), a belated Happy Hanukkah....and a happy, happy, merry, merry to celebrate whatever you celebrate.

Holidays can be a difficult for those of us that are single, but there are also a lot of plusses:

1. No stress over finding the perfect gift for a special someone.
2. No need to figure when to go with which family and how to get there.
3. The tree (and house for that matter) can be decorated in tiffany blue and silver if you choose (which is what I choose this year), without a peanut gallery.
4. The gym is still there on the 26th. If you've gained a few pounds since Thanksgiving, there is no one to worry about judging you for that (of course, the judging is usually just in my head, but whatever...I'm still saved from that!).
5. You do not need to help pick out, or pick out gifts from him for other people.
6. If you want to watch sappy holiday movies over and over, you can.
7. The family and friends that have been your support system since last Christmas, are probably still here this Christmas. Celebrate with them. Enjoy them. Love them. They will still be there after many relationships have come and gone.

Happy Holidays to all!!

xxNB

Scoreboard

So, remember how I said two Sundays ago I had a super awesome time and hopefully I'd be updating you soon? Well, aren't you lucky, because I'm gonna do that now!

As many times as I've tried the online dating thing, and as small as everyone claims my fair city is, I hadn't yet run into anyone I already knew in real life. That is, until the Saturday after Thanksgiving, when I got an e-mail commenting on my love of The Cutting Edge. When I looked at the photo, I realized it was a guy I knew casually from my last job. (One who I'd always thought was kinda cute, so...bonus!) And after a few e-mails back and forth, he asked for my number.

The next day he called and suggested we hang out, and offered to make me risotto. And we had a great night. And then there was date number two- also awesome. So I was starting to get pretty excited, because really, there were a lot of little things about him that I thought were great. Suffice it to say, he was earning points all over the place.

Admit it, people- we all have some kind of internal point system. Your date earns points when they do something good, and you mentally deduct when they do something lame. Even if you don't realize it, you're keeping score. So when he cooked me dinner, remembered mundane details from the stories I was telling, and was rather adorably trying to throw popcorn down the front of my shirt at the movies, the scoreboard was counting 'em up.

A week later, this past Sunday, my mom called and told me to come home, because my grandfather, who has been ill for some time, was probably not going to make the day. He died at 2AM Monday. Because the funeral wasn't till later this week, I came back to work for a couple of days, and yesterday by lunch the emotions and lack of sleep were making me crazy. And so I called him, even though I thought it might be a lot to ask after just two dates, and I asked if he'd come over and distract me. And he said "Sure."

So he rode his bike. To my house. Six miles. And he brought The Cutting Edge on DVD and a Ziploc bag of popcorn, and told me he hoped I had a pot with a see-through lid, because while any lid would work, it was more fun to actually WATCH the popcorn pop.

His season is off to quite a good start, really.

My Rules Suck

So, I had date #2 with the Port Prince. PP called on Wednesday and asked if I would like to go out again. I said yes (I have a 3-date rule, because I know it takes me a bit to warm up to people). Now, I generally take a very honest, almost too honest approach to dating-I tell people I am a homebody, I see no reason to lie and tell men that I'm "spontaneous and always looking for an adventure." This was clearly something PP was intrigued by, as he said "I know it wouldn't be your first choice, but I would like to take you bowling at (club in the city that has bowling)." And he seemed to almost be mocking my homebody-ness with the humor he seemed to find in "making me" go bowling. I was honest that it wasn't something I would choose, but I would be a good sport and go. I also questioned whether or not the city was a good idea on a night we were supposed to get a snow storm. He says he has 4-wheel drive, we'd be all set.

He shows up in his non-4WD car because he'd prefer to take the shit box into the city. We walk 10 minutes in a snow storm, at previously determined destination. Now this entire drive in he's talking about how he didn't think I was going to go and he is going to make sure I have fun (aka I totally don't want to date a homebody, so I'm going to force you to do shit you don't want to do). Now, I'm not a total party pooper-I would enjoy bowling in a group, or with my friends from work etc. However, not for a date and not at a place that has a club atmosphere. So...long part of the story short-PP can't get in, he has boots on and there is a dress code. He has a short meltdown (red flag) and then asks where I want to go. I choose a bar that I know and love around the corner.

I must say, he is talkative, outgoing and and nice, for the most part. However, some highlights of the conversation are as follows (I can't possibly list them all):

None of his friends are in happy marriages, they all forfeited their balls.

He thinks women who won't date a man based on height, education level, intellect, job or income are shallow and stupid (Meanwhile, he would never date a woman with children)

He whispered the word "gay" while telling me he has no problem with homosexuality.

He asked numerous questions about my ex, again.

He asked "what would you do if your ex called...well what if you didn't know it was him and accidentally answered."

He questioned whether or not I really want to pursue a doctoral degree, as I would have to put my life on hold.

And then...on the way home two shining moments:

Well, if you had said you wanted to stay at your place and rent a movie, we wouldn't have had to go into the city for bowling

And had touched my leg twice, both times it felt gross.

So friends, now I'm in a pickle. I have that 3-date rule and while I make it sound awful, it wasn't horrendous, it's just evident we are not a good match. Ugh, I hate my rules and I hate being a rule follower. He has left the planning of a 3rd date, up to me. I think I'm going to force him to see a chick flick.

XX NB

Super Powers!

This really SHOULD be an entry about my Sunday evening. Because, dear readers, it was FAB. It was so fab that I have reverted to my less awesome self who is now sitting around going "Please, please let him call me. No really, pleeeaaase!" But I'm gonna spare you until there's more to say (like, until he calls, or he doesn't).

Instead I'll tell you about an interesting phenomenon I have noticed involving a guy I know, one who I'll call the Toxic Avenger. Why? Because he is most certainly toxic, and he appears to have super powers. Chiefly, the power to know exactly when it's the WORST time to crawl out of the woodwork and try to hook up with me. Again.

I'm partly at fault here. I agree to do this again and again because, hey, it's fun and he's a former massage therapist and has other, um, talents. So what's not to like, at least on the physical level, yes? Except that he's cryptic and odd and makes me feel like I am the moony freshman to his sophisticated senior. Also, I have reason to believe he's not the most honest gent on the planet. Oh, and every time we're together it's like a compliment bomb went off. It's cool the first time, but then you start wondering how anyone could seriously wax THAT poetic about the curve of your hips. I mean, yeah, they look good, but for real?

So of COURSE, in the midst of me being all swoony over Mr. Sunday Night, and arranging a date with another guy who I'd already agreed to go out with, Toxic Avenger pops up on Facebook chat and wants to know what I'm up to Friday.

Me: I have tentative plans, actually. (Complete lie.)
Him: So do I, but I figured maybe you'd want to one-up them.
Me: I wasn't aware I had the power to one-up them.
Him: Now you know. (signs off)

So please, Universe, let me have actual plans for Friday and/or some freaking willpower. If not...I guess at least I get a massage out of it.