I am SO MUCH CRAZIER than her.

I have this ex-boyfriend. I mean, don't we all? Actually, if I am to be honest, I have several, but I'm speaking specifically about the last person in my life to hold the title.

It's been nearly two years since we broke up (and I was the dumpee and NOT happy about it at the time, but I am happy about it now, boy howdy). We're on OK terms at this point. I wouldn't say we're friends, but we're friendly. We probably talk 2-3 times per year. He will be moving back to the city where I live this summer, so I'm not sure if we may meet up for coffee more than once a year or if proximity will have no effect on that. I honestly wouldn't care much either way right now.

And yet- today I got an e-mail from him. It's literally the first time either of us has contacted each other since Christmastime. He sent me an article he'd found during some lawyerly research he was doing that related to a place I used to work, which was nice of him. So I replied and at the end I asked if he'd started looking for an apartment here yet.

And right after I hit send, I was immediately hit with a moment of fear- What if he replies with, "Actually my girlfriend and I found a great place..."

This is quite dumb for several reasons.

1. I do not want to date him again, ever.
2. Wouldn't it be nice for him if he has a new girlfriend? I mean, a nice person would be happy for him.
3. If he has a new girlfriend before I have a new boyfriend, it does not mean he wins, nor does it mean that I am inferior in any way.

It's number three that is hardest to remember, and that is the reason for my fear. Because while rationally I know it's true, but I am slightly crazy. Or maybe very crazy. You know? It would still make me feel bad, if only for a short while. And I'd have to think about how I was probably SO MUCH PRETTIER than her. Worthwhile pursuits, all!

He just replied. Didn't mention a girlfriend, either.