Taking the Low Road, and a To-Do List

I've been dating for a long time now. Since I was fourteen, with about 5-6 years off when I was in one relationship or another. So I've got about ten years of experience to draw from. But for some reason I'm still a little surprised when a guy professes to be interested, talks about wanting to go out again, and then disappears.

I'm not talking about the ones where you both aren't interested and you sort of vaguely avoid the subject or make halfhearted attempts at saying things like "So I'll call you" and then no one does. I mean when you've had several dates, he says, "We definitely need to go out again, let's plan something for next week" and then he falls off the grid faster than if Witness Protection had sent him to Idaho.

I guess I continue to be surprised because I find that sort of thing to be counterproductive and kind of cowardly, and I am nothing if not efficient and straightforward. And normally, even though I don't get it, I usually take the high road and take the hint. No sense spending energy on a person like that.

But...Deja Vu Guy and I had a great date last week, and it ended with him saying we should definitely get together again. When I mentioned that my schedule was a little iffy, he said, "Give me a call when you know what nights you're free." And I did. And that was five days ago. And frankly, given the backstory on this one, I'm a shade annoyed. Not to mention a man of his age should know better.

So I took the low road for a change and sent this e-mail today:

So I'm curious...you couldn't remember why you never called me five years ago. What's the reason this time?

I'm aware of a few things here- namely that 1. I may not get an answer; 2. I may get an answer I really don't like; 3. This probably makes me look kind of bitchy; and 4. Saying this won't change anything. I'm OK with that. For some reason, it just felt good to speak up and say "Hey, this is kind of silly, why not just tell me you're not interested?" rather than slinking away so as not to "bother" anyone.

Since that act, however small, was a stretch for me, I thought this list (found via FunkyBrownChick) was interesting. Maybe this counts as #10? Eh...probably not. :)

Where is the line?

I had an interesting first date last night, that temporarily left me wondering where the line is between "no real connection" and "too picky/stuck up bitch." My date was very nice, respectful, honest (or seems to be...), and accepting (again, or seemed to be), all of the things that are on my Must Haves list. However, I left something off the list and I felt guilty last night for thinking this...Intelligence, or insight, or ability to have an intellectual conversation. He may not be "dumb" per say, but I think we think very differently about things and we find different things intellectually stimulating (I'm so diplomatic, aren't I?). And let me also say this: I totally would have dated him in my 20's, but not at 37. Here is the exchange that pretty much sealed the deal for me:

Him: So, tell me about your trip to Portugal. Is it as under-developed as S. America (he had just returned from a trip there).
Me: In some parts, yes. There are some areas where I would not be the least bit surprised to see a local riding to donkey to get around. But in other areas it's built up and developed. I also think that in some ways they are ahead of the game. Like, using wind power and federally legalizing gay marriage.
Him: Oh they legalized gay marriage?
Me: Yeah, a few months ago.
Him: Wow, I didn't realize there were gay people in Portugal.
Me: There are. (while in my head going: *BLINK*blink*blink*blink*)

Like I said, he is a very nice guy and maybe I am a stuck up b***, but he is not a good match for me.

He emailed me about an hour ago to say he didn't really feel a connection and didn't think that I was interested in him either. I do feel a little bad that it was that obvious, BUT I am glad that he took the time to email, I give him a lot of points for that.

Deja Vu All Over Again

You may remember that a while back, I received a message from a guy who I'd gone out with before and that he didn't seem to remember me. In the end I decided to just come clean right away, and we had a laugh over it and neither of us could remember why we only went out once back then and never called each other. Since it stood to reason that if the date had been truly awful at least ONE of us would remember it, we decided to give it another go.

Since then we've been out twice- due to opposite work schedules and a LOT of travel on my part, there were five weeks between those two dates. But I guess that's better than five years, am I right?

So far it's been a lot of fun, and fairly relaxed, which is nice given my tendency toward being a neurotic freakbag about this stuff. But we'll just see if we can get to a place of actually hanging out more often than once a month, or if this will peter out like it did back in the bygone days of 2005.

In other news, NoBridget introduced the Queen and me to Project Husband 2011 (found via 27 Dresses in Cleveland) and we're both horrified. What do you think, readers? Is this a great experiment in the power of positive thinking, or is this woman absolutely batshit insane? (Call me crazy, but I think booking a wedding venue and choosing a dress BEFORE you have a groom is putting the cart before the horse just a tad.)

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Well, my opportunity to go on a blind date and write about it in a major newspaper has sadly been canceled. Due to an unforeseen family emergency, I was forced to reschedule my date. Then the column changed hands and the new editor was unwilling to reschedule my date. She told me that she’d keep my profile on file, but I have a feeling it is currently lining the circular bin. Blah. Fine.

Both dates from More Than Slightly Demented were very kind during said family emergency. I even went out on another date with Numero Dos when I returned...And promptly decided that I’m just not attracted to him. Whilst filling my mom in on my sad dating life, she asked, “So, when you met up with him again, where you excited to see him?” “No.” “Well, that certainly answers that question.”

He was very gracious when I told him that I simply cannot date anyone right now. He told me he had a serious crush on me (which I ignored) and then something about how I would be a serious find for whoever I let find me (blah again). So, OkStupid has been disabled, I’ve canceled other tentative dates, and I doubt you will see much of me blog-wise for a while. I’m going to focus on starting a new business and myself for a bit. Too-de-loo.