A Public Service Annoucement

Read it, bitches.

A public service announcement brought to you by the Queen. 

Attention! Are you an attractive man who boldly asks out the ladies whilst they are blithely going about their daily lives? Do you take said ladies out on epic dates, paying them careful attention and wittily exchanging amusing stories? Do you make future plans with the ladies? Do you talk about how trust and the truth are important parts of a relationship?

Do you lure the ladies back to your place after several dates with the promise of wine with the added benefit of superior kissing skills?


DO YOU THEN LIE TO THE LADIES ABOUT YOUR LIVING SITUATION, LEADING SAID LADIES TO EXPERIENCE THE MOST AWKWARD EVENING OF THEIR LIVES ONCE THEY REALIZE YOU LIVE WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND STILL? DO YOU LET YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND GLARE AT YOUR NEW LADY FRIENDS FROM THE KITCHEN WHILE YOU DESPERATELY PANTOMIME AT SAID NICE LADIES THAT THEY WOULD QUICKLY EXIT YOUR DOMICILE BEFORE THINGS GET BAD? 

Do you then follow the utterly confused and PISSED OFF ladies down the hallway, saying you can explain...and then refusing to explain when confronted? 

If so, you are a callow, contemptible man-child , deserving nothing but misery and loneliness. 

Thank you, 

The Queen

Quiz Time!

Alright, dear readers. If you'd like to play, just read the message below, and then tell me in the comments how many dates you think this gentleman and I had been on before he sent me this. (Small edits have been made to make this more of a challenge, but the sentiment remains as-is.)

Hi *****,

Sorry I was out of touch for so long. You seem really amazing and wonderful and...just a little bit too late -- I started going on some dates with someone else, and it's gotten serious. I hope that you find someone who appreciates your knife-lickin', dimple-havin', smart-writin', all-around awesomeness. I can already tell that you deserve amazing things in your life and hope that you get them. Maybe we'll run into each other on the candlepin lanes someday.

All the best,
****

Sweet Surrender

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OkStupid Message of the Day

As I have been on nothing but exceedingly boring dates of late, I have decided to share some of the gems from my inbox on a daily basis.


"If any one said to you .. I Love you without you know him before .... please believe him !
Because No one can see you without fall in Love with you direct !!!!"

Sigh.  

The Queen

Yawn.

I had such high hopes for my date on Friday. Not that it was going to be amazing, but that it would at least be interesting. You know? Like, even if we didn't click, maybe I'd get a good story out of it.

But alas, it was not to be. It was...boring. He was very polite. He's attractive, and certainly smart. But the conversation just didn't flow. His jokes just fell flat. No spark. Just...none.

As a "get-back-on-the-horse" date, I'm glad it was with someone who was nice. But it did make me rather nostalgic for all of the truly great first dates I've had, where you leave wanting more.

Even though the date isn't that great of a story, I can offer this gem I found in the ol' inbox that very same night:

"You are stunning, radiant, and sexy. I'm ____ and I approve this message."

That's Ms. Fat-Ass, to you

In the last week, or so, I have received the following two emails on an online dating website:

"You should say fat"

"You need to quit deep fried twinkyes [sic]"

I did NOT respond to either, but holy hell did I want to. What the fuck (excuse me...) is wrong with these people? Let me also say, I am fully aware of what my body looks like. My body type is very much for some and very much not for others. I have tits. I have an ass (excuse me, again). In the grand scheme of things do I honestly give a rat's ass what these two nitwits, who can't string a proper sentence together or post a picture on their profile, say? No. But my feelings are hurt. I'm not sure what bothers me more the fact that they said it, or the fact that I'm bothered by it.

A little help from your friends

Get excited...NoBridget is blogging again (read: is single again and actively trying to date)!

I was out to dinner with friends on Friday night: one other single, two married. The other single-woman shared a great story about meeting a guy she's really excited about. She had started online dating a few months back and was feeling really discouraged and had gotten to a place where she was accepting of the possibility of a relationship just not being in the cards for her. Some close friends of hers continue(d) to encourage her to date and try to meet someone. In fact, one of the friends suggested that she sign-on to the online profile and do some searches for my friend and update her profile a bit. Long story short: the friend found a great match for my friend, they met and really hit it off!

Of course, I was inspired by this story for two reasons: 1. I do think that friends sometimes know you better than you know yourself; and 2. It inspired me to log back into dating websites. However, after looking at what's available I'm thinking maybe I need a friend to do it for me. Takers?