Chemistry

I would like to say that I have had nothing to write about, spending days lounging on a chaise lounge and eating chocolate Mochi by the dozen. Instead, I have too much to write. It just happens to be awkward, painful, and not so very entertaining. Chronicling the end of a year and half relationship does not make for the witty comments and urbane observations.

I went out to dinner with my ex, My Favorite Mistake, tonight for our first foray into a "platonic" relationship. This is certainly a pleasant fiction. However, cutting off all contact tends to make him act like a pre-teen girl, the calling, the pining, the mopey text messages, the mood swings. It would not be hard to imagine him doodling my name on his notebooks surrounded by little hearts and stars.

Our entire relationship was based on pure chemistry. Always was and continues to be even in the slow fade-out by way of friendship. It's so hard to let someone go when even a touch or smile makes you forget all your ideas about moving on in love. I keep beating down the butterflies of recognition whenever I see him, but it does not make them disappear.

Love, in fact, is not enough. Chemistry alone does not grow into something more even with all the best intentions. What a hard and shocking lesson to learn in the face of all the fairy tales we grow up believing.

What do you feel when you say you have great chemistry with another person? Can it grow into something more?

Queen of Spades