Super Powers!

This really SHOULD be an entry about my Sunday evening. Because, dear readers, it was FAB. It was so fab that I have reverted to my less awesome self who is now sitting around going "Please, please let him call me. No really, pleeeaaase!" But I'm gonna spare you until there's more to say (like, until he calls, or he doesn't).

Instead I'll tell you about an interesting phenomenon I have noticed involving a guy I know, one who I'll call the Toxic Avenger. Why? Because he is most certainly toxic, and he appears to have super powers. Chiefly, the power to know exactly when it's the WORST time to crawl out of the woodwork and try to hook up with me. Again.

I'm partly at fault here. I agree to do this again and again because, hey, it's fun and he's a former massage therapist and has other, um, talents. So what's not to like, at least on the physical level, yes? Except that he's cryptic and odd and makes me feel like I am the moony freshman to his sophisticated senior. Also, I have reason to believe he's not the most honest gent on the planet. Oh, and every time we're together it's like a compliment bomb went off. It's cool the first time, but then you start wondering how anyone could seriously wax THAT poetic about the curve of your hips. I mean, yeah, they look good, but for real?

So of COURSE, in the midst of me being all swoony over Mr. Sunday Night, and arranging a date with another guy who I'd already agreed to go out with, Toxic Avenger pops up on Facebook chat and wants to know what I'm up to Friday.

Me: I have tentative plans, actually. (Complete lie.)
Him: So do I, but I figured maybe you'd want to one-up them.
Me: I wasn't aware I had the power to one-up them.
Him: Now you know. (signs off)

So please, Universe, let me have actual plans for Friday and/or some freaking willpower. If not...I guess at least I get a massage out of it.

Creative?

I have to give this guy on a dating website credit, he's trying to be creative and cute:

Hey there, I am a little shy,so i came up with a code for you!Won't be tough for a smart,cute girl like yourself! If 1=a and 26=z 9 20+7+9+14+11 25+15+22 18+15+3+11

Either I'm really tired, or he can't count and/or spell (or I can't?)? Someone, anyone? I mean, it would be cute if he at least got it right. But really I was just wasting time counting out the alphabet in my head, for a misspelled fragmented sentence, rather than just reading a normal email.

I'm cranky.

XX NB

She may know best. Or not.

About a month after the s*** hit the fan with my ex, a friend of mine and I decided to get our tarot cards read. What better way to get over heartbreak, than to hear about when you will meet your soul-mate? L. is not your typical psychic-she also does Reiki, has an MBA , does life coaching and doesn't look gypsyesque in any way. To top it off, she has a way of saying what you need to hear not what you want to hear, in a way you can hear it. I go to her every 6 months or so for a pep talk, or a kick in the ass depending on what is needed. I often refer to her as my "psychic life coach."

Now, let's be honest...I have been avoiding her like the plague for about 2 months. Ever since I have made some not very good life choices about/with the ex. Yesterday, happened to be a difficult day with him and I got an email from L:

Hey, I've been thinking about you a lot and wanted to see how you've been.

My first thought, of course: "Holy shit-she totally knows about me and ex. I'm soooo busted!" She is a psychic, afterall. I write her back, totally skirting the issue:

Hi!! How are you? Nice to hear from you! I was thinking about you too-someone had recommended XXXXXXXX to me and wanted to get your opinion about it. Still trying the online dating, with no love connection, YET.

her response:

I wanted to know if you would be interested in meeting a male client of mine - he is a little younger than you, but very stable and a nice man. He owns his own house I think its in XXXXX and he is an XXXXXX.

I have his email and phone number if you are interested. He would be willing to make contact and call you if you prefer. (I have not told him about you yet).

Let me know what you think

Okay, first-I'm not busted? What the hell? Isn't she a psychic? Second-Is this what it's come down to; My psychic life coach setting me up????

And hell yes, I told her to give him my email.

xx
NB

The Inquisition

The Inquisition is the getting to know you questions: So, how do you like match.com?; How long have you been single?; What do people say is your best quality?; What do you think is your best quality?; What are you looking for? I GET IT, but it frustrates me. There are certain things each person looks for and certain questions that are common date questions. In fairness, they can also be questions that it's nice to have answers to. However, good lord, don't we have anything else to talk about? For instance: What do you do for work?; How do you get along with your family?; What do you think about the real issues in the world?

xx
NB

I have officially lost my mind.

So as it said in my intro questionnaire, one of my "unrequited loves" is my high school crush, Ben. I have been valiantly (on and off) trying to find him ever since I found pictures of us from a senior semiformal last fall and thought, "Dang, he was cute. Whatever happened to him?"

Through the exhaustive computer geek efforts of my friend T, he has been found. Well, we think he has. So I did something brave/crazy, and...well, here it is:

So, hi. This is kind of a long shot, but I was wondering if you might be the Ben xxxx I know. The one who is from xxxx, went to xxxx, used to work for the xxx, etc.

If you are, you're probably wondering why the hell I have tracked you down here. I assure you it's a funny story, one I'd be delighted to tell you over a beer sometime. That is, if you'd be up for that sort of thing, and if you don't have a significant other or spouse who would find that idea to be totally objectionable.

If you're not- hey, you have a good story to tell people now, am I right?

Boredom and a lack of restraint are a bad combination. Baaaad.