Will Ditch When Provoked

Two Saturdays ago I was arriving home a shade late from a birthday party for a friend's daughter. I had a first date with a new guy I'd been introduced to via the interwebs, and I was looking forward to it since our e-mail exchange had been pretty fun and he seemed like someone I would get along with. I was feeling a little apprehensive, though, when I texted him to say I might be a few minutes late meeting him and his reply was:

"You're a woman. Fifteen minutes late is five minutes early to you anyway."

*blink, blink* Oh REALLY?

I didn't like the tone of that at all, but I let it slide because I hadn't met him yet, and texting isn't exactly the best medium for conveying nuance and subtlety. And we ended up having a nice time, even though by the end of the date I was in the throes of a full-on head cold. I got a nice message from him a couple days later, inquiring about how I was feeling. So when I talked to him again Thursday, I was interested in seeing when we could get together again.

When we spoke Thursday, he invited me to meet him and some of his friends later that night. I declined, since I had dinner plans and I wasn't quite over my cold, and since I already had plans to go out the next night and wanted to conserve my energy. At first, when I got a couple of texts during the evening, I thought it was cute. You know, stuff like, "Too bad you're not here, they're giving out free beers to girls with your name!" But after a few I got kind of tired of it. So, I said thanks, but I really feel like I should get a good night's sleep. And that was where it got sort of interesting:

Him: Fine, you win.
Me: Since when is someone winning? I'm just not up for it tonight. I'll be out tomorrow night if you and your friends feel like meeting up for a bit. (And here I named the bar we planned to go to.)
Him: I'll tell you where you can find me.
Me: Oh? Because I thought I just told you where you could find me.
Him: That was tonight. Tomorrow you can track me down.

And that was when I had to put my phone down and walk away from it for a few minutes, because that little exchange pissed me off. I mean, really? So after I cooled off I replied and said I hoped he had a nice night. And he came back with some joke about me being cold and then said he'd see me tomorrow. And I was hoping not.

When he asked me about my plans for the evening Friday, I consulted the Queen for advice. She said I should tell him where we'd be but make it clear that he AND HIS FRIENDS were welcome to meet up with us. And so I did. But when they came to the bar we were at, it was...awkward. He hung out over at the bar and didn't come over to our table. He texted me to tell me to come to the bar and see him (which I did only when I needed to visit the restroom). He kept pressing my friends to find out "who was in charge" and where we'd be going next. He made fun of my outfit. I was not pleased.

See, I don't think he was actually intending to be rude. I think his idea of funny involves provoking people, and trying to see if he can get them to feel a little uncomfortable. And if he was someone I already knew, I might find that kind of funny. But in this situation, it just made me feel like I wanted to get the hell out.

So, when my friends decided to go, I went with them, after telling him that I wasn't comfortable staying out alone with him and his friends (because frankly, me plus five guys I don't know? Bad idea!). And his incredibly mature response? "OK, well have a good night, I GUESS." And then when I was on my way home, I got ANOTHER text. "What just happened?"

Well, you proved yourself to be kind of a creep and I ditched you, actually.

And just like that...he's gone.

You know, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm crazy. Actually there's a good chance of that. But seriously, maybe I was nuts thinking that when a date ends with the guy saying this:

"So...this has been really fun. Next time we'll have to try and get together on a NOT-school-night, don't you think?"

That usually means he wants to see you again. Yes?

Well, silly me. Because instead of making that third date, Mr. Calamari has disappeared. No response. Zip. Zilch. Nada. He's in the wind.

This isn't a new thing for me, unfortunately. In fact, I have had at least five men disappear on me in the past year. Now, maybe some of you are thinking this has everything to do with something I did, and hey, maybe it is. I'm certainly not perfect, and not everyone's going to like me. But I think it has more to do with cowardice. It's easier for them to just never call back than to have to say, "Sorry, but I don't want to see you again."

Funny enough, Mr. Calamari had heard about some of the crazy, angry guys I dated earlier this summer and he said, "If we go out on a date, even if it doesn't work out, it won't end like that." He was right. But there's more than one way to be a jerk.

The Problem of Being on Strike

A few weeks ago I decided to go on strike. I'd had two dating experiences in June that were, suffice it to say, pretty terrible. One ended with the guy telling me I was crazy, had whored myself out for free drinks (apparently engaging in conversation is now "whoring", since that was all we did), and also that he "preferred a girl who is in better shape" than me. Lulz. The other got rather pissed when I agreed with his assertion that things weren't going anywhere. How dare I? I should have cried and begged him for one more date so I could prove I'm worth it. At least, that's what he thought. More lulz.

So I came to the conclusion that a break was in order. In a lot of ways it has been good, just not having to think about dating. But it's tough to be on strike when you're naturally inclined to scope. And so I find myself still looking all the time, starting with the left hand. Because it's where I look first. Yeah, I know. Nuts. And not always reliable. But important, ladies, important.

I guess right now, sadly, being on strike doesn't always feel like I think it should- like a conscious decision I've made. It feels more like I have no prospects and I'm on strike by default. Oh, except for my self-deletion from a certain dating website- in that way I've actively removed myself from the pool. But mostly I wonder- if I were asked out by someone during the next month or so, would I say yes? Or turn them down and really give myself time to relax, get away from dating for a bit, and refocus?

One thing is for sure- if the strike goes on for too long my entries will be crazy boring. Kind of like the "This column socks" incident on SATC. Yeah...being on strike kinda socks too.