The day after

Well, friends, after a bit of a hiatus from the search to find love, I went on a date last night. I'll save you all the details on how I found myself single again. Suffice it to say--he's a douchebag and a shade on the crazy side.

Last night's date went well. We actually have a mutual friend and went to college in the same city, so we had that to talk about if all else failed. As far as first dates go, it was full of all of the awkward getting to know you and weirdness of any other first date. I don't even have an outrageous story to write about, it was a perfectly normal date. I would definitely go out with him again, that alone deserves a round of applause.

So today is the day after. Where I become way too preoccupied with whether or not I will hear from him. We did leave saying we'd like to get together again, but sometimes I think people just say that to be polite. I did text him earlier to thank him for dinner and some other flirty "yes I'm interested in seeing you again" line. I hate this part...

XX NB

Yawn.

I had such high hopes for my date on Friday. Not that it was going to be amazing, but that it would at least be interesting. You know? Like, even if we didn't click, maybe I'd get a good story out of it.

But alas, it was not to be. It was...boring. He was very polite. He's attractive, and certainly smart. But the conversation just didn't flow. His jokes just fell flat. No spark. Just...none.

As a "get-back-on-the-horse" date, I'm glad it was with someone who was nice. But it did make me rather nostalgic for all of the truly great first dates I've had, where you leave wanting more.

Even though the date isn't that great of a story, I can offer this gem I found in the ol' inbox that very same night:

"You are stunning, radiant, and sexy. I'm ____ and I approve this message."

Where is the line?

I had an interesting first date last night, that temporarily left me wondering where the line is between "no real connection" and "too picky/stuck up bitch." My date was very nice, respectful, honest (or seems to be...), and accepting (again, or seemed to be), all of the things that are on my Must Haves list. However, I left something off the list and I felt guilty last night for thinking this...Intelligence, or insight, or ability to have an intellectual conversation. He may not be "dumb" per say, but I think we think very differently about things and we find different things intellectually stimulating (I'm so diplomatic, aren't I?). And let me also say this: I totally would have dated him in my 20's, but not at 37. Here is the exchange that pretty much sealed the deal for me:

Him: So, tell me about your trip to Portugal. Is it as under-developed as S. America (he had just returned from a trip there).
Me: In some parts, yes. There are some areas where I would not be the least bit surprised to see a local riding to donkey to get around. But in other areas it's built up and developed. I also think that in some ways they are ahead of the game. Like, using wind power and federally legalizing gay marriage.
Him: Oh they legalized gay marriage?
Me: Yeah, a few months ago.
Him: Wow, I didn't realize there were gay people in Portugal.
Me: There are. (while in my head going: *BLINK*blink*blink*blink*)

Like I said, he is a very nice guy and maybe I am a stuck up b***, but he is not a good match for me.

He emailed me about an hour ago to say he didn't really feel a connection and didn't think that I was interested in him either. I do feel a little bad that it was that obvious, BUT I am glad that he took the time to email, I give him a lot of points for that.

Hard to Read?

Good news: I'm back from my first date with the T&A guy. I actually really enjoyed myself. I like him. I like him not only because he's a T&A guy, but because he's funny, laid back and talks A LOT (I don't talk a lot, it makes for good balance and no awkward silences).

Bad news: Two things, actually...I still hate dating. I prefer the comfort of a relationship. I know this is partly my fault. I would rather go on 100 job interviews vs. one first date. I know I'm good at my job and I can "sell" myself as an employee. However, I have such a hard time selling myself as a person/mate. So silly, I know. I know there is nothing wrong with me, but my head takes over, then the stomach follows suit and I make myself crazy. Typically, once I get there and the date begins, I'm fine...it's the build up and the thoughts after that make me feel like I'm in high school again.

The other bit of bad news, which is kind of good news insight-wise-he was hard to read. That is feedback that I get, a lot. I now get it and I am a bit more understanding of how frustrating that is. I honestly have no idea if he enjoyed himself. I could not read him at all. I mean, he was pleasant, laughed, talked, asked questions...but as far as weather or not he wants to see me again-I have no clue. Usually I have a pretty good idea. I'm trying not to over-analyze too much. Time to go meditate...

In Which I Pray for the Floor to Open Up and Swallow Me

Last night I had a date. A first date. What seemed like approximately the 867th first date I've been on. It's becoming quite the habit.

It was going pretty well, actually. We were having a good time talking, an easy time keeping the conversation going...and then it happened. I, the woman who is not prone to spitting while talking, manages to lob the teeniest bit of saliva DIRECTLY ONTO HIS FOREHEAD.

I was horrified. What should I do? Do I acknowledge it, or pretend I didn't notice? For whatever reason my instincts were screaming "JUST KEEP TALKING!" so I did. He sort of casually wiped it off...and then kept touching the same spot for the next five minutes or so, repeatedly. OH, THE HUMILIATION. And of course all I could think of was this episode of Sex and the City, and how in a later scene poor Miranda is shown reading in bed, hours later, still wiping her face with a tissue over and over. (Warning, link is VERY NSFW)

Luckily he seemed not to really care. If we go out again I'll be trying my best to control my saliva.

I'm actually looking forward to a date

I am openly not a fan of dating. I find it a necessary means to an end. But, friends, remember this guy? I like to call him T&A guy. He never responded to my wink back then. However, while getting acquainted with a new site he winked at me. I would recognize that paragraph anywhere. The first phone call is in the books and I must say: He is very funny and has a great voice. The first date is Sunday. I'm giddy for a few reasons: I haven't had a date since date #2 with the Port Prince; he made me laugh more than once today; and it's the first time in a while that I have been EXCITED about a date. I'm not getting my hopes up...okay fine, I kinda am.

Back in the Game

Wow. It's been awhile. I tried to think of a creative way to tell you all where I've been for the last 2 months...Suffice it to say, it was a combination of a U-turn and a strike while trying to recover from said U-turn. The strike is officially over and I went on a real date over the weekend. My first real date since March.

Details: We met on match.com, he has a job, owns a house, has a car, is attractive and his emails were hilarious. The majority of the date went well. He was friendly, talkative and their were no awkward silences, which is always a plus. However, about 3 hours in he started asking a lot of questions about my most recent relationship. I tried to keep it vague: We broke up a year and a half ago, together on and off for 5 years, he's not in my life for a reason, blah blah blah. However, he kept asking questions about it and frankly I got so fed up I finally thought to myself "Fuck it, I'm just going to answer the damn questions and stop being avoidant." So I told him a good portion of the Jerry Springer relationship I was in.

Now, I know talking about exes is gererally a no-no on a first date, but at this point I'm annoyed that he kept asking and knew he would keep going until he would understand why I just didn't want to talk about it. I also have a certain level of understanding that it is a very crazy story and people are generally intrigued by it, so whatever...I told him. Upon hearing the story his response was: "Wow. Well now you make sense to me, I thought you were hard to read...I should probably tell you about my last relationship." Surprisingly enough, he says he's interested in going out again, so I guess the Jerry Springer story didn't freak him out too much. And while the last hour was torture, I am willing to see him again.

Then we come to all of the underlying issues that keep me from dating in the first place. Right now, my head is kind of spinning with the following:
Do I really have the time and energy for a relationship?
What if he gets to know me and hates me?
I am not "smitten" by him, shouldn't I be? (I have movies and television to thank for that one)
I hate getting to know people, I just want the comfort of already knowing someone.

So that's my story...we'll see what happens.

Have a mentioned my ovaries and uterus having been screaming at me to do something about my love life??

xx NB