Quiz Time!

Alright, dear readers. If you'd like to play, just read the message below, and then tell me in the comments how many dates you think this gentleman and I had been on before he sent me this. (Small edits have been made to make this more of a challenge, but the sentiment remains as-is.)

Hi *****,

Sorry I was out of touch for so long. You seem really amazing and wonderful and...just a little bit too late -- I started going on some dates with someone else, and it's gotten serious. I hope that you find someone who appreciates your knife-lickin', dimple-havin', smart-writin', all-around awesomeness. I can already tell that you deserve amazing things in your life and hope that you get them. Maybe we'll run into each other on the candlepin lanes someday.

All the best,
****

Yawn.

I had such high hopes for my date on Friday. Not that it was going to be amazing, but that it would at least be interesting. You know? Like, even if we didn't click, maybe I'd get a good story out of it.

But alas, it was not to be. It was...boring. He was very polite. He's attractive, and certainly smart. But the conversation just didn't flow. His jokes just fell flat. No spark. Just...none.

As a "get-back-on-the-horse" date, I'm glad it was with someone who was nice. But it did make me rather nostalgic for all of the truly great first dates I've had, where you leave wanting more.

Even though the date isn't that great of a story, I can offer this gem I found in the ol' inbox that very same night:

"You are stunning, radiant, and sexy. I'm ____ and I approve this message."

A little help from your friends

Get excited...NoBridget is blogging again (read: is single again and actively trying to date)!

I was out to dinner with friends on Friday night: one other single, two married. The other single-woman shared a great story about meeting a guy she's really excited about. She had started online dating a few months back and was feeling really discouraged and had gotten to a place where she was accepting of the possibility of a relationship just not being in the cards for her. Some close friends of hers continue(d) to encourage her to date and try to meet someone. In fact, one of the friends suggested that she sign-on to the online profile and do some searches for my friend and update her profile a bit. Long story short: the friend found a great match for my friend, they met and really hit it off!

Of course, I was inspired by this story for two reasons: 1. I do think that friends sometimes know you better than you know yourself; and 2. It inspired me to log back into dating websites. However, after looking at what's available I'm thinking maybe I need a friend to do it for me. Takers?

And here I thought incoherent ramblings and inflated egos were bad...

...but this, my friends, THIS is far worse.

The good people at Jezebel have shared this story of "Alice" and her recent encounter with a male suitor on a dating website. To call his comments "inappropriate" doesn't even begin to cover it.

What It's Like Out There

This post is dedicated to all of those folks who have said:

"You must hear from at least SOME nice guys."
"I bet the problem is that you're being too picky."
"You're so (smart, funny, attractive, etc.), you shouldn't have a problem."

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the highlights from my online dating universe, circa yesterday.

Bachelor #1 would like to help me avoid looking like I have a case of The Gay:
"I'm XXXX, What can I say to you in an email that some guy hasn't already said. How can I stand out from all the other yahoos (guys) on this site. Yeah I called them yahoos, I checked out some of the guys profiles, later found that to be a mistake because I showed up in there who viewed me. Lucky none of them felt compelled to contact me. It would have been awkward. About me, sense of humor, check. I can laugh at my self. Love to cook more than being cooked for. I have a curios nature and am always trying to learn and figure things out. I have a great family and many of my friends agree. I have great friends, don't take my word for it, ask them they will tell you they are great friends. Okay, this is starting to feel like a resume, that what my profile is for. So I leave you with this advice, don't check out profiles of the same sex unless that is something that you are into."

Bachelor #2 would like me to recognize his 40 years of experience.

"Hi beaty I have 40, I would like to meet you before get41. You are so BEATIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Bachelor #3...well, I can't tell you much about him except that he checks me out three or four times a day, and also checks out my roommate's profile- which we figured out has photos of me as well.

So yeah, I guess I'm picky, because this kind of stuff isn't doing it for me.

Do I know you from somewhere?

The message was innocent enough:

Hey, I'm XXXX... how are you? I'd love to talk some time.. learn more about you. How is okcupid treating you? Any interesting characters.. or meetings?

So I start looking at photos. And I realize the guy looks familiar. And that I'm pretty sure I've met him before. And then I realize I've done more than meet him, we've gone out before. Five years ago.

And one of those times definitely ended with some drunk groping and whatnot. *headdesk*

So...how does one handle this, exactly? Ignore him? See if he's any different than five years ago? Point it out? This is just odd.

I do not think it means what you think it means.

As proof that we can always count on the internet for entertainment, I give you a recent message I received on a dating site:

i really MUST say.......

Apr. 18, 2010 – 11:44am

you know, most girls today think they have to be so macho and everything because of feminism and stuff. it's great to see a girl around here who's not afraid to actually express herself and be a girl! you look like you are a very confident woman, and is not afraid to show the world who she is and assert herself. so you get two coolness points from me for that. so are you interesting? we should totally have some stimulating conversation. hit me back soon.

What say you, readers? Did he actually mean to ask if I was "interesting"? Or was he aiming for "interested"? What about me, I wonder, makes me seem unafraid to "be a girl"? And most importantly, is he for real?

Oh, and do I ignore him or send him back the link to some information about what feminism actually is, because I'm kinda bored? Discuss.

Three's a Crowd

In a moment of procrastination I just logged into a dating website I use, you know, just to see if anything needed my attention. As it happened, I had a new message. I was a little confused when I went to my inbox and the photo next to the subject line was of a woman. And then I started reading and, well, it got interesting.

Because, you see, it was from a woman- who was writing on behalf of herself and her male partner.

We are a fun, open-minded, professional couple (also safe, sane, D/D free, exclusive) who appreciate drama-free fun....We'd like to exchange e-mails, maybe chat over instant messenger, and if the chemistry is right, meet for a drink (after voice verifying by phone, of course) and take it from there. If you like what you're reading and seeing, drop an e-mail back and tell us a little more about you.

Um...wow. I'm not sure what I think about that right now, except that I'm surprised. And I guess slightly flattered? I'm not necessarily interested in that sort of thing, but to each their own, right? And it was certainly an interesting surprise on an otherwise mundane afternoon.

Will Ditch When Provoked

Two Saturdays ago I was arriving home a shade late from a birthday party for a friend's daughter. I had a first date with a new guy I'd been introduced to via the interwebs, and I was looking forward to it since our e-mail exchange had been pretty fun and he seemed like someone I would get along with. I was feeling a little apprehensive, though, when I texted him to say I might be a few minutes late meeting him and his reply was:

"You're a woman. Fifteen minutes late is five minutes early to you anyway."

*blink, blink* Oh REALLY?

I didn't like the tone of that at all, but I let it slide because I hadn't met him yet, and texting isn't exactly the best medium for conveying nuance and subtlety. And we ended up having a nice time, even though by the end of the date I was in the throes of a full-on head cold. I got a nice message from him a couple days later, inquiring about how I was feeling. So when I talked to him again Thursday, I was interested in seeing when we could get together again.

When we spoke Thursday, he invited me to meet him and some of his friends later that night. I declined, since I had dinner plans and I wasn't quite over my cold, and since I already had plans to go out the next night and wanted to conserve my energy. At first, when I got a couple of texts during the evening, I thought it was cute. You know, stuff like, "Too bad you're not here, they're giving out free beers to girls with your name!" But after a few I got kind of tired of it. So, I said thanks, but I really feel like I should get a good night's sleep. And that was where it got sort of interesting:

Him: Fine, you win.
Me: Since when is someone winning? I'm just not up for it tonight. I'll be out tomorrow night if you and your friends feel like meeting up for a bit. (And here I named the bar we planned to go to.)
Him: I'll tell you where you can find me.
Me: Oh? Because I thought I just told you where you could find me.
Him: That was tonight. Tomorrow you can track me down.

And that was when I had to put my phone down and walk away from it for a few minutes, because that little exchange pissed me off. I mean, really? So after I cooled off I replied and said I hoped he had a nice night. And he came back with some joke about me being cold and then said he'd see me tomorrow. And I was hoping not.

When he asked me about my plans for the evening Friday, I consulted the Queen for advice. She said I should tell him where we'd be but make it clear that he AND HIS FRIENDS were welcome to meet up with us. And so I did. But when they came to the bar we were at, it was...awkward. He hung out over at the bar and didn't come over to our table. He texted me to tell me to come to the bar and see him (which I did only when I needed to visit the restroom). He kept pressing my friends to find out "who was in charge" and where we'd be going next. He made fun of my outfit. I was not pleased.

See, I don't think he was actually intending to be rude. I think his idea of funny involves provoking people, and trying to see if he can get them to feel a little uncomfortable. And if he was someone I already knew, I might find that kind of funny. But in this situation, it just made me feel like I wanted to get the hell out.

So, when my friends decided to go, I went with them, after telling him that I wasn't comfortable staying out alone with him and his friends (because frankly, me plus five guys I don't know? Bad idea!). And his incredibly mature response? "OK, well have a good night, I GUESS." And then when I was on my way home, I got ANOTHER text. "What just happened?"

Well, you proved yourself to be kind of a creep and I ditched you, actually.

You: Nice; Me: Totally not sure what to do with you.

It had been long enough, I figured. Not that I had any major grief from which to recover this time, but I guess I figured it had been long enough since my last date because I was getting bored. And when I get bored, the internets come a-callin'.

I decided to experiment with a different site than last time, and I found a few interesting folks. And so I found myself meeting one such person last Monday for Indian food. We had a good time- good enough, in fact, that we were out waaaaay past my bedtime because we had so much to talk about. But it was during the second date that I figured out who I was dealing with, so to speak. You see, ladies, he's a Nice Guy.

He listens. He pays attention. He's respectful of women. Crap, he might actually qualify as a feminist. And here I am, alternately thinking, "I didn't think you EXISTED!" and, "Oh...gee. You're nice. I don't know what to do with nice."

We'll see if NG stays that way- as you know, I've met quite a few men these past few months who went from nice to psycho or coward in less time than it just took me to finish my chai latte. For the time being I'll try to pace myself and learn to enjoy the nice.

Impasse

So here I am. Last date = anticlimax. Last couple of interested parties? Disappeared into the ether. So I'm left wondering, what next?

I could just sort of go along as I have been, which isn't the worst idea. I have plenty to do and it would give me an opportunity to see what might come my way "naturally", as it were. Or...do I actually put forth the effort of going back to online dating at this point, even though it's probably no different than it ever has been before?

Ultimately my level of boredom will decide for me. In the meantime...I'll have to resort to sharing something from an even more interesting place on the internet. Check out today's xkcd for a funny perspective on approaching a cute stranger. Been there.

Online Dating

Aside from the afore mentioned issue with "keep looking" emails, I have plenty of issues with match.com. Actually, the issue is with the caliber of men that appear to be available on match. I have noticed the following trends: Men that are "a few extra pounds" looking for women "slender" or "athletic and toned"; Men who are 40 looking for women 25-33 (approx); Men who are 5'7", don't want kids and are 50 that send me "hey we have a lot in common" emails. Ummmm, really? My profile clearly states my preferences for someone over 5'10" (yes, I'm a bitch), definitely want kids and 31-41 (again, bitch). Where does this leave me? With a bruised ego and little hope, frankly.

However, yesterday I was inspired! I decided to give eharmony a roll. I mean, why not right? At least there is some alleged scientific validity to their matching process, or so they claim. Also, a few of my friends have had some success on eharmony. So I set everything up, excited to see what was in store...Apparently there are 7, yes 7, "matches" in a 30 mile radius. (And 4 of them have already "closed" communication--I'll save the self-esteem issues for later)

I need to move.

xx
NB