Why I Choose to Blog About the Cruel World of Dating

Name: Queen of Spades (as I'm obviously not the Queen of Hearts)

Stats: 25-year-old, red-headed demon who excels in useless arts degrees, useless trivia and dating useless men-children

Best date: Midnight breakfast with a plumber with a defunct English Ph.D. (One date wonder sadly.)

Worst date: Going to have to go with the Mission Impossible extraction date at the art museum with Plays with Darts, the serial killer acupuncturist who taught me that things like the ability to blink are rather more important in a date than you would have ever thought.

Longest relationship: 1 1/2 years with the Arabian Knight...9 years of dysfunction with SunnyBoy.

Ultimate unrequited love (codename if so desired): My junior high crush, John. He was a bad-ass even in 5th grade. Or, the Staples delivery guy. Mmmm. I think I need some more rubberbands....

Evil ex of note (codename unless you want everyone to know he's evil): Signor Suck, professional photographer who accused me of cheating in a photography contest (eh?), broke up with me on my birthday, and then casually mentioned that he had proposed to his female "business partner." This is why long distance relationships are dead to me.

Most hated dating advice: "When love is great, there is no need for words! For even in silence love is heard!" Gag. My love gets loud, verbose and obnoxious sometimes. Deal.

Tackiest pick-up line used (on you or by you, we won't tell): "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!"

Why I choose to blog about the cruel world of dating: Dating is a necessary evil, so I am told. And, I am convinced that it is an evil so atrocious that humor is the only possible way with which to deal with the monotony of discussing the same topics ad nauseam with a stranger who will no doubt try to paw you during an awkward farewell. I think we should all have first date cheat cards that we could whip out of our pockets (or tiny purses) that cover all the basics, number of siblings, hated foods, coffee preferences, ugly ex-baggage we're still lugging about with us. You could then exchange with your date, peruse, hem, haw, then get on to the nitty-gritty of whether you'd both like to paw each other reciprocally. Maybe a "check 'yes' if you feel the heat, check 'no' if you feel like you're on a date with your cousin" option on the First Date Card. (I'm totally going to market this and retire a thousandaire.) In light of not having developed my first date "check yes, check no" system though, I'm just going to have to suffer (blog) through it for now, making terrible mistakes, commiting social blunders, and mayhap even finding some love along the way.

-Queen of Spades